... it's been a while...

It's the small things that matter. It's those things that make the difference. It's those things that people remember.

I've moved a lot in the past 7 years. I have lost contact with a lot of friends, sometimes I find myself wondering what those people are up to. The other day I received a random message on facebook from one of those friends. We were close, she helped me through some tough times and I helped her through one tough time that was life altering. But that one tough time changed our relationship and changed who we were and we lost touch.

Needless to say that one tough time resulted in an amazing blessing and a cute baby. Her and her son are now living in New Brunswick which is where she grew up and where most of her family is. The message was simple, she thinks of me often, wants to get together when she gets back and that kind of stuff.

My excess extra time lately has allowed me to catch up with and touch base with some friends that I hadn't talked to in forever. So while I may be extremely bored sitting at home with a dog and cat and no cable - I have had some enjoyable moments.

I start work a week today - I can't wait to make some money so I can join a gym or something so I can network and meet people.

My goal for today is to work on my Dad book, make rice crispy squares, do laundry and send a few messages to friends I haven't talked to in a while.

... what now...

After a over a week of frantic reviewing, rewriting, studying and cramming I am left sitting in an empty house with not a lot to do. My room is pretty empty except for my clothes - which I am about to pack.

I spent the afternoon watching season five of Weeds. I haven't seen the first four seasons, but that is on my list of things to do now.

I looked for jobs in Edmonton but I am running out of decent paying ones to apply for. I was hoping to actually be able to save and get ahead of the game this summer but it looks like it will be another summer of just making it - which is slightly depressing in its self.

I'm scared to move to Edmonton without a job, I don't want to have to do retail. It's the last thing on this earth I want to do. But it looks like that might be where I end up. I am just so frustrated. I started applying for jobs at the beginning of March and I have applied for over thirty of them.

I am excited to be done school for the summer but sad at the same time because now I have nothing to do and I won't see my friends for who knows how long. Janvier is leaving for Africa/Australia/Europe next week, Jessie's off to her boyfriends, Trista and Cassie are chilling around Red Deer for the summer. Andrea has been busy for the past however long. I have said all my goodbyes except Andrea. That will happen this weekend likely.

I found a dress I like, I am meeting with Andrea tomorrow to get her opinion on it. It's on sale and CHEAP and I need one to wear to the weddings I have to go to this summer.

I am off to do laundry, pack my clothes and start cleaning AND I think I might go to bed early tonight to get a decent sleep!!

... more than that ...

After my last post I have had a couple of concerned texts and calls. I realize I have accomplished "stuff" but it's not to the extent I had hoped. I guess it is just hard for me to realize that some of my accomplishments are meaningful and that they do matter. I don't see them as big things, but others do.

Why is it that I am so hard on myself but I have no issues recognizing the small and the big accomplishments everyone else makes?

You're right obviously if I hadn't accomplished anything meaningful - my portfolio wouldn't be as thick as it is. You were also right when you said I needed to chill and reflect in a more positive light. You were also right when you said I could not realize my accomplishments because of where I was at when I wrote that...

So yes, I have accomplished things. Sometimes I just let my failed attempts at things cloud my judgement...

... what have I done ...

In under two months I will turn 25. Yes it is frightening. I will be a quarter of a century old. And I haven't accomplished a lot in those 25 years. I had high hopes for myself in high school. I thought by the time I was 25 I would be so much farther ahead in life and would have had things figured out and accomplished... I was naive.

This is what I thought I would have completed by the time I turned 25:
- University degree
- Have a teaching job
- Started to save
- Travelled more
- Married
- Started a family

Seriously though this is like a third of my life and I haven't accomplished anything great like I had thought I would. It means the bar has been raised for the next portion.

This year will be much like last - there won't be any celebrating. I don't think there's much to celebrate. I am not saying my life has been a waste, cause I know that is far from the truth. It's just in the past seven years I haven't quite kept up to the standards I had earlier and when looking back and completing my portfolio I seem like less of a useful person in society. I didn't celebrate last year because you all forgot about me and made other plans, so why would we celebrate this year?! pshaw - no!! It's just another day... that's what I keep trying to remind myself.

… two words …

I received a text message last night from a good friend. It was a forward. I don’t care for forwards, but it brightened my evening (which wasn’t a chipper one)… so I figured I would kind of copy it a bit and send it on…



The forward read “U R beautiful! The guy u love will show u how much he needs u in 2hrs but 1st u must tell ten ladies they are beautiful! <3”



So I sent ten ladies a simple text saying “You’re beautiful!” and from the responses I got I decided to send it to all of the important ladies in my life. It’s crazy when you stop and think how much power two simple words can have on the outcome of someone’s evening. It was a small action, but it changed the course of events for at least four of the recipients.



It also let me catch up with some friends I hadn’t talked to in a while and it gave me the opportunity to be there for a friend who recently lost her father. I reminded her to keep her options open, that she has a lot of potential and will do great things and that I have faith in her. I wasn’t doing it to be nice. I was doing it because I actually believe that and because she is a good friend and I don’t think she hears that enough.



I know I often need to be reminded of the small things just to be sure I am on the right path. I know it feels good to know people believe in you, or that people have high hopes for you and that you have people backing you. So if I need to be reminded – why shouldn’t I realize that perhaps my friends are in the same boat and often need the same reassurance?



I used to be a more thoughtful person. I admit I have become a bit selfish and self absorbed. But it happens to all of us from time to time.



I miss my friends and I will miss my Red Deer friends as I move on. Thankfully I won’t be going far – and I will be coming back to visit because I do have some pretty amazing friends here.



Make someone’s day – remind them of why you believe in them or that you think they’re beautiful. Two small words have a great deal of power – use them!

... a relaxing girls weekend ...

I had an amazing weekend with some of the greatest friends ever! Friday night was our 219 pot luck and girls night! We had a grand time! We played LIFE, chatted, ate and just had a good time! I took Janvier and Cassie to the bar, and picked them up and let them crash at my house. I am really going to miss this set of friends. THANKFULLY two if not three of them will be transferring to schools in Edmonton in the next two years so I will still get to see them!




I wasn’t feeling very good on Saturday so I just spent the day in bed reading, watching movies and sleeping. Then I went babysitting. We went fishing in the kitchen sink. We filled one sink with water and bubbles and fish and the other sink with just water. The boy grabbed his fishing rod and went fishing in the bubbles… rinsed the fish off in the water and threw them back in the bubbles. This continued for an hour to the point where we had water all over the kitchen and the boy was soaked head to toe (hair included!). The good thing is he helped clean the water up. We got him changed and ate our macaroni.



Then today I met up with Echo. We bought baby Raleigh some clothes and then went to the Taboo show. Then we went for lunch and visited a lot. It has been months since we caught up so it was a good visit. Then we met up with Jackie another friend from high school and chatted a bit. I am meeting up with Meghan on Friday so I can give her and Raleigh the cute little dress I bought her!! It is fun having a baby girl to buy for!!! There are tooo many boys in my life it’s nice to change it up and buy cute girly things!



So that was my exciting weekend! Now to start the studying again!!

... an update ...

So it has been forever since I blogged. I had lots to blog about I just didn’t know how to write it or really feel like blogging. I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately – just a tiny one. I have had some roommate drama and then both roommates have decided to vacate – with most of the baking utensils and CAN OPENER… my house is too quiet, no tv… boooring.




I was super stressed with my last few EDUC assignments, but I think they went pretty well! I get them all back the day of the exam (a week from tomorrow). The last day of classes is Monday. I nearly had a meltdown in math today. That is the one test I need to study my ass off for… who am I kidding I need to study like crazy for all four. I don’t want anything lower than a B or B-…



I am also working on my math project – it will be called Math Madness. A manual for a complimentary hands-on math program for grade 4! With games, activities, group activities to make it easier for textile and visual learners to learn.



Other than that I have to start studying for exams. Move the rest of my stuff home and get ready to move to Edmonton! I haven’t been accepted to the U of A yet, I haven’t notified the MS Society – I am kind of scared to. I thought I only made a three year commitment to the board but it is actually 6 years. I am done 1.5 years of my term. I will offer to stay and travel back for the five or six meetings each year. I have a job interview on Tuesday in Edmonton. I was kind of offered a position at the shelter for alternating weekends overnights. I said I would love to – told them about Edmonton and said I would still take the position. She said she would let me know soon. I haven’t told my babysitting families, but I will send an e-mail out by Wednesday.



AH! I didn’t realize I was running out of time… the 219 girls will be here in about a half an hour and my surprise chocolate dessert is not ready yet!! I will blog more later!