jeal⋅ous⋅y

So I started this the other night, and then decided against posting it, but BLOGGER saved it so I reread it, and decided to post it anyways... even though it makes me seem petty and well, rather jealous! I am fine with how things are going, and I realize that it was my decision to move away, but I don't always like the concequences of my decisions...

jeal⋅ous⋅y
[jel-uh-see]

–noun, plural -ous⋅ies for 4.
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.



Yup, I am normal... just like everyone else I get jealous. Sometimes, as many of you know, over the most stupid of things... Jealousy is one thing I hate most. I hate being 'that girl'.

Not only am I jealous, but paranoid... jealous of the people who have 'replaced' me in relationships with old friends.... paranoid that current friends will do the same.

My biggest jealousy factor right now is another girl... but not the way you're all thinking. It's someone that my mother and family keep looking to for help with things that I should be doing and have done in the past.

I love said person to death, but at the same time would like to squash her like a bug. I got over the fact that said individual babysits my nephews now, and spends more time with them than I do... and I am paraoid that they will love her more that me. But I have dealt with that, I am the one that chose to move - therefore I need to deal with the concequences of my decisions... right?!

That's when my mom started to ask her to do things that I used to do, and things that mean a lot to me. I was offended beyond belief when my mother gave her money and asked her to place flowers on my father's grave and my brother's grave. 1) said individual never knew my father or Carl and does not know much about them 2) she always acts she knows all about them and 3) he's my father and my brother.

What bothers me most is that she has no issues flaunting all of this or tossing it back in my face that she is spending time with my family and doing all the things that I used to do... but it's all ok because she's doing a better job.

What also really gets to me is that my family is replacing me... not completely... but by getting her to do the things I used to ALWAYS do, I feel like I am being replaced... and if she is doing all of this, then what is left for me?