belief

I am putting off my essay yet again, well kind of, I am working on it... but I had an urge to blog instead! I have had an emotional weekend, but it has been an amazing, inspiring and a bit of a relief. I was not in a good mood and had had a stressful week when I arrived home.
That was dashed when I met up with two old friends whom I haven't had a chance to spend much time with lately. I had an amazing time out chatting, visiting, catching up and gossiping. It felt nice to be able to go out with friends and just have fun.
Saturday I spent the afternoon with my cousin and we had a great time. It was nice to catch up with her and talk about life, the past and what we hope for the future. It is always refreshing to hang out with her. We went window shopping and found some really cool stuff with thought provoking sayings on them. One that stuck with me was 'Faith makes things possible... not easy.' I liked it then, but I guess it didn't hit me or make as much sense to me at the time.
I had promised mom that I would go to church with her this morning, so we went. I am not a fan of the new minister, she's just not as cool as Dave was and is too preachy and borderline super weird. But it was coffee time after church when I was visiting with some of the ladies and they told me I just had to have faith in myself and everything will fall into place. I had a good chat with Pam about it after and she only echoed what the others had said. They both told me that they have faith that things would work out, but I guess somewhere along the way I had lost faith in myself. I had stopped believing and had become to doubt myself. If you don't have faith in yourself or believe in yourself how can you expect to be successful or acheive what you are working towards?
So church today was a needed awakening for me, I needed it, I needed to be reminded that things are on track for me, things are going well and to have faith in myself and keep on going.
We are all dealt with a hand, and how we play that hand is up to us, some of us have better luck while others have to work harder to make things work out. Nothing is easy, but you can't give up or give in, which is sometimes very tempting and easy to do.
I guess I forget that I have people rooting me on, or people that believe in me and lose hope. How can I, of all people lose hope, stop believing and stop dreaming.... I have those freaken words permantly tattooed on my body.
Everything happens for a reason... I am a firm believer in that, sometimes finding that hidden reason takes years, sometimes we never find the reason, but chances are we have become stronger person and have learned more about ourselves, the person we are or the world around us.
Pam reassured me that I have found what is right for me, and that she is proud of me for taking a chance and going back to school. She is like a second mom to be and has always been an important person in my life, so to hear that from her was important, and came at a great time.