... I'm in control....

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

                   

         ~Eleanor Roosevelt                                                                                                                                                                                            

I completely believe in this quote, I was also told once by a wise individual that in essence you control your own moods to an extent.

I know sometimes the mood thing is completely out of our hands, but when I think I am in such a situation I just try and look at the bigger picture.

I remind myself of the good things I have in my life - I have a place to live, I have food in my fridge, a safe place to go at night, I am getting an education, I have an amazing set of friends and an amazing mother, I am in good health, I have hope, I have faith, I believe, I have dreams, I have an amazing boyfriend who has also become one of my closest friends.... I try my hardest to remind myself of all of these things and hope that to myself in my upset state that these things outweigh whatever seems to be getting me down.

For example - today started as a pretty shitty day. But I chose to take the information I had and take a positive spin on it. Which is possible with just about anything if you try hard enough. I reassured myself that things were fine and in actuality they are better than that. But by consciously deciding to get my ass out of bed, hold my head high and put a smile on my face I actively made a decision to try and have a good day. That smile lasted because I didn't have to warm my car up, and the weather was beautiful, and I was on time for my 8am class, finished my English homework, was early for Spanish, got my payment plan for my Spanish class, got transfer information and was early for Math and English. The weather was even nicer when I left the school so I was in a great mood, the snow is melting, I don't have to wear winter clothes right now - I LOVE IT!!! And then it changed AGAIN, I got my car stuck, and I mean effing stuck, Folky wasn't budging... I was ready to cry or get angry and was soooo mad that my good day was ruined... until I sat there and calmed down, realized it was a bad situation, but managed to get out... and then realize that it could have been worse and moved on.

IF only it were always that easy though! I know it's not, I often find myself stuck in a rut in a perma-bad mood, or upset, slightly depressed or wishing things were different. I sometimes get really down, and feel alone and lost because I don't have a lot in Red Deer, but I know I am not far from certain people, and the rest are merely a phone call or text message away - but at times that feels like too much.

I try not to worry about the things that I can't control, and concentrate on the things that I can control.

I know I haven't said it often lately, but I am grateful to have all of you in my life, because I would truly be lost without you. In your own way you shed some light when my world seems to be filled with darkness. You're my inspiration. You're my cheerleaders when I need ambition. It's because of you I don't give up, I don't give in and I can keep my head held high. And I thank you for that.