That's right, today has been a rollercoaster, and if you know me well, you will know how much I love those.
Why am I blogging?! Because that's what I do when I am trying to figure things out, I know a couple of you have checked for updates - and there's been nothing. It took some time to compose myself and come up with some words.
I am not angry, I don't harbour resentment, I don't have any strong feels of hate - just confused, lonely, sad and hurt. Which is worse, I am not sure. All I know is that yes there were plenty of tears shed (a good three or four hours worth) but I am ok, and I will be ok.
I am not perfect, and I know that, just sometimes I wish I could be more perfect. I wish I had done things differently to avoid this outcome. I know it's not over, and that in a couple of months there will be another opportunity, but that doesn't help right now.
Oddly enough it took something like this to bring me back with the girls, I spent time with Trista and Jessi at the school today, while skipping English and while taking some time to chill before coming home. Andrea came to the rescue with pizza. We then set out on a mission to find season three of Gilmore Girls. We ended up roaming the mall, chatting, getting ice cream and Gilmore Girls. It was nice to be reminded that I do have some amazing friends in my life. It was odd to be on the opposite side of what is now known as Roommate Rule #32, but lucky for me I have an amazing roommate.
Tomorrow's a new day, and the sun will shine, and I plan to make a day of it. I think Kelly is coming for a visit, which is nice. I also think that Krystal and Clay are sending me money for gas or a bus ticket to come for a visit.
This is a whole new experience for me. I have been broken up with before, I have been the one to break up with someone. But it has never mattered, I never honestly cared this much about another individual. So it stings. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do... chin held high, smile on face and positive thoughts... maybe that will come tomorrow.
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I'm not sure if you want to hear from me or not, being his sister and all. But I know that he's upset as well, and confused, and is still looking forward to being a LOT closer to you soon, whatever happens.
It hurts, like a bitch, but don't forget that you're strong, and that you DO have amazing friends and a mom who care so much about you. And so does he, he's just totally confused with EVERYTHING right now.
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